Today, Paul and I went walking. Lately, I have been battling depression and it hasn’t been pretty. No real reason, other than Winter and a couple physical issues going on. But I haven’t wanted (or felt like) doing much of anything. Add in the weather and it’s craziness, well…I’ve just been exhausted, mentally and physically. It’s the worst it’s been in quite a while.
But, today, God gave me more visual reminders that He is always with me. He goes before me and He surrounds me with His love and strength.
We walked a bit together and then we split up for a bit for Paul to go by the river and me to walk a little further…then we met back up to finish the walk together.
As I was walking by myself, I started talking to God. As I was talking and praying, I just started looking ahead of me and around me. Each place that I looked, there was a yellow spot — in front of me — beside me — all around me. At first, I didn’t even think about it, just noticed them. And thought it was different. It looked like “spirit spots” you see in photos.
As I continued to see them (this all happened in about only a couple of minutes) – I finally realized God was talking back to me and showing me some things. I had been talking to Him about how I had been feeling and asking Him to help me. It hit me that those spots was God showing and telling me that He always goes before me. Good and bad. He’s always beside me and around me. He has me surrounded by ALL OF HIM. I am not alone. He is always with me.
I had decided not to listen to music, but just talk, listen, and hear. Right when I finally got what God was saying to and showing me with those yellow spots…Holy Spirit put the song “Defender” in my heart. It just started playing over and over in my head.
On the way home, after we finished our walk, I listened to that song. There was a part that I had forgotten about. It’s the lyrics on the photo above. But oh how God used it to remind me that no matter how I am feeling…He is there. In all those broken pieces.
“When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to Your love
You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my heart”
Lately, I’ve felt lost and broken. That’s what depression does. And many times, for no big reason. God used many things today to remind me WHO I am and WHOSE I am!
My Heavenly Daddy is awesome. He is holding me – surrounding me with His love. Singing lullabies to my heart. Letting me know that it’s ok to NOT be ok — and that He is right there holding me up when I am unable to do it for myself. And that when I cry…even those unseen tears… He kisses them away.
And it’s OK to rest in Him. It’s not lazy. That sometimes my body and my mind need rest…even if I don’t understand it.
Yes, the enemy brings battles…BUT GOD!! He has already won them all! He will always put my pieces back together. He is my Defender, especially when I’m lost and unable to defend my own heart and mind.
Yes…He is the defender of my heart!
Here is the song…Defender…and a couple of other ones that He put out for me to hear today.